There were three sides to this relationship. The boy’s. The girl’s. And the truth.
Now I won’t bore you with the boy’s or girl’s side because it doesn’t matter. It really doesn’t. The only thing that matters is the truth. The truth is our relationship was broken for awhile. I don’t know why we tried so hard to fix something that was not there for awhile. Maybe it was because we didn’t want to be alone, maybe it was because we claimed we loved each other, maybe it was because we were selfish and didn’t want each other with anyone else. We’ll never know.
People can tell you to leave all they want. It doesn’t actually happen until you make the choice. Now my mistake is I kept going back and forth on that choice. I kept thinking maybe it could work, maybe we could fix everything. The truth is I lied to myself. A lot. I should have known better but that’s the beautiful thing about life, you have all the opportunities to fix your mistakes. I made huge life choices based on this relationship. I didn’t want to admit it to myself but now I can easily say that my heart blocked my brain from making good decisions. While it’s easier said than done, all I can do now is move on and think to myself all the reasons why it was broken.
One of the most important steps in a relationship is to know who you are. Relationships should not change that. If they make you change or you see yourself changing, leave. Leave because the person you are supposed to be with won’t force you or create something in you to change yourself. You are not to be torn down or be destroying your self image. You are supposed to be celebrated, all the good and all the bad parts of you. That is supposed to be your person, someone who lifts you up and shows off. Once you start to lose yourself, you begin to question. Question yourself and question others causing you to lose trust.
Trust is a pretty big part in a relationship. Once it is broken, it’s not coming back. Do not think they will get better because they won’t. If they had the will to do it once, there’s no reason why they wouldn’t do anything to you again. Your feelings are valid. Your thoughts are okay to have. No one should be questioning them or making you feel bad for them. Now breaking trust isn’t just cheating. It can be so many things. It could be a lot of little things that add up to one huge thing. Trust is defined by you.
Losing that trust leads to lying. Lying to yourself and lying to your significant other. To me, lying is what hurt me the most. It killed when I got lied to. It killed me when I lied to him. Yet somehow, we still thought it was a good idea to be together. However, lying does a lot of internal damage. It made me question my beauty, my morals, my own thoughts. I didn’t know what to believe anymore and there’s no way you can make a relationship based off of lies. The sad thing is lying becomes easier and more common. We lie a lot in relationships. We lie when we say “you’re beautiful” but then turn around and say it to someone else. We lie when we say “we’re meant to be together” because relationships take work, they don’t just happen. We lie when we say “I love you” because most of the time we don’t mean it.
I bet you all think this stuff is pretty self explanatory. I used to think the same. That is until I went through it all and experienced all this shit. Yes, I changed. I broke trust. I lied. I did everything I was not supposed to do. I ignored every sign that I should have left. And that’s okay. It’s a part of life making mistakes over and over again. I used to think that in a relationship you should end “good” and not “bad.” Be on “good” terms or be “good” to each other. The truth is you absolutely do not have to be good with each other. I’m not saying you have to end “bad.” Just end. Be done. Get out. Leave. The truth is that most relationships won’t work out. Maybe I stay single for 5 years, maybe I will go on 30 different dates, maybe I’ll meet the love of my life tomorrow. We’ll never know.